Monday, 15 July 2013

If I can't have it all, I'd settle for the chance to pick just one

I just got an offer of an interview for a really excellent, potentially exciting job opportunity. It's with an organization whose work I have long known and admired. I've been hopelessly unemployed a lady of leisure for three months now, which hasn't done wonders for my already battered self esteem: can't make babies, can't make a living either. No one can accuse me of being an over-achiever.

The interview (in a city at the opposite end of the country) has been scheduled in such a way that would necessitate an overnight stay, and  falls the day before our long awaited clinic appointment to discuss plans to move forward with IVF. We've waited three months for this day at the clinic, which is marked with a bright red, excited circle on my calendar, and which looks increasingly like our best shot at a biological child. It certainly can't be rescheduled without us losing our coveted spot on the waiting list. There's no way I can humanly travel for the interview and make it back in time for the clinic appointment.

Seriously, Universe? Why can't something, anything, just be easy for once?

I am going to email the organization and plead my case to see if they can reschedule for the following week, but if they're not amenable, I'm going to have to make a choice. Again. And again, it's not even a choice as to which of these you-can-have-it-all!-or-if-not-you're-pretty-redundant options I want. It's a choice between which feeble attempt to make. (Okay, that's hugely hyperbolic; I actually give good interview, so I'm told, and I suspect I'd have a solid chance at the job. But still, you get the idea...)

We've been waiting months (years, even), for the slightest break in the cloud cover; for something to give already and show us a little cosmic goodwill on the job front, or the baby front, to show us that our dopey, feel-good faith in the universe might just be well founded after all. And now, after treading water for months upon months and flailing about in often fruitless attempts to stay hopeful, when we can juuust barely glimpse a possible ray of sun through that cover....Haha, psyche!

Forget the age-old, at times contentious question of whether it's possible for women to have it all (your advice is laughably moot here, Sheryl Sandberg. Yours too, Anne-Marie Slaughter): I can't even make it to the try-outs.

Yeah, they lied about a lot more than work/life balance and the New Superwoman.

Believe me, I already know I can't have it all. To tell the truth, I don't want it, not really. But still, it would be nice to have at least the illusion of some options.


Does not apply. Source.





32 comments:

  1. Oh no! I hope that the organization can move your interview so that you can go to your appt!

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  2. I hope they'll accommodate you!

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    1. Here's hoping...We're 'in negotiations' now.

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  3. Brutal! I remember this all too well - the never ending stream of obstacles that stood between the great IVF and me. So frustrating.

    I hope that you are able to reschedule the interview. Is a phone interview (I know, not the best alternative, but...) an option?

    Fingers crossed that the stars align and you're able to make both appointments!

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    1. Yes, the Great IVF...it's like the Holy Grail at this point! Phone/skype interview is one option that's being discussed. Thanks Alicia for your support and encouragement. I hope the stars do align in our favour for once!

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  4. Well shoot, I hate that you're faced with this situation. It does feel like "seriously, universe??" :/ But maybe you will be able to reschedule your interview. You could even spin it to make yourself look more competitive as a candidate--you need to meet on another day due to a "conflicting engagement," i.e. another interview with a company that is going to snatch you and your talents away if this organization doesn't act fast. :)

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    1. Ha, yeah, me and my uterus are in very high demand! Whatever the logic, I'm hoping that the universe will ultimately decide to exercise it's humour on someone else for a change.

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  5. Oh my god. This is the type of thing that absolutely drives me crazy. As in, it cannot be fair in any cosmic sense of the word. I agree with Anna's advice, use it as an opportunity to make yourself seem a bit hard to get. I've found that companies are usually willing to be flexible somewhat with dates. I WANT you to have "have it all," at least in terms of these two important dates. Keep us posted.

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    1. Aw, thank you so much for being in my corner! It's not much, I know, but these are two important days that with positive outcomes would *really* improve my general outlook right now.

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  6. The worst! Why can't things just work on a logical timeline?!

    I hope someone here is willing to be flexible. You should be able to have it all, and you certainly deserve it all. It's a pretty exciting prospect, especially if it's a company you've admired for a long time. And of course moving forward with IVF is always exciting, too. Fingers crossed that everything works out for you.

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    1. Logic. Fairness. What are those again?

      But thanks for saying that; I'm touched by the encouragement I've had here. I'll really just be excited if some of our luck starts to change. Here's hoping for some flexibility!

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  7. Oh I so feel you. But, maybe, hopefully, the interview can be rescheduled?

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    1. Thanks, that's what we're working on!

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  8. Not fair. I sometimes wonder if there is a drop of goodness left in the world when things like this keep happening to myself and people I care about.

    I hope that they are able to reschedule your interview so that you can have a chance at both things you so desire. Sending positive vibes! xx

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    1. Ouf, I know right? I know that things can't always be a rose garden, but (not that I'm wishing misfortune on others) couldn't we distribute the difficulty a little more evenly?

      Thanks for the support and the vibes Lisa, I'll take all I can get!

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  9. Grrr. That's so frustrating!

    I've had to reschedule interviews in the past. In general, though I sweated about it, it generally wasn't a huge deal for them. The magic words tend to be "I have an existing conflict that was scheduled months ago and is time sensitive." Look at it this way: if they aren't willing to accommodate you, it could say a lot about the work environment.

    Fingers crossed that everything works out!!!

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    1. Frustrating indeed!

      I used a wording similar to the one you suggested (unavoidable being the operative word), and now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for some goodness on their part. Will keep you guys posted!

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  10. *shakes fist at universe*
    I did a trial during an (early) miscarriage and had to reschedule a job interview for an RE visit - it sucks and it's totally unfair. You know what you're worth to this potential employer and as you say, you have a decent shot at the gig - I say plead your case and here's hoping they want you enough to be just a tiny bit flexible. Hoping for so many good things to come!

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    1. Thank you for the commiserations Sarah! The case has been pleaded, and now, well...it's sorta in their hands, so here's hoping there are some decent folk aong them. I appreciate all your good vibes.

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  11. Something similar happened to my husband. Someone wanted to schedule an interview with him on the day he was supposed to be flying to his home country (to see his family and beg for IVF money). He explained the flying part, and they were able to reschedule for earlier in the week. Hopefully if you describe a vague but valid reason you would like to reschedule, they'll be accommodating. Best of luck with both big days!

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    1. I'm glad it worked out for your hubby in the end, and I'm hoping for a similar solution to the problem. Thanks for your support Daryl; I know you know about all this crap too.

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  12. ugh, the universe is such an a-hole sometimes. So sorry you're dealing with this friend, hopefully they can accommodate you!

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  13. ahhhhh!! I don't understand why this always seems to happen! I am hoping the clinic will be willing to reschedule. You deserve a break my friend :)

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    1. Thanks for saying that friend :) The clinic is most definitely not negotiable (that's public healthcare for ya), so I'm hoping the interviewers will be.

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  14. Gah, how frustrating! So happy for you to get the opportunity at this company, I really hope they can reschedule. It would be too cruel otherwise, I want you to have it all friend.

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    1. Thank you so much for saying that my friend. I really hope they'll reschedule in the end too!

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  15. I am so frustrated on your behalf. Why is it that nothing seems to go smoothly or easily. Crossing as many body parts as I can that some rescheduling can happen so that you can do both appointments.

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    1. Thank you Brianna...It seems like for some of us nothing is never straightforward, and it's so frustrating and so unfair. I appreciate all the good energy coming my way; here's hoping it shifts things in my direction!

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  16. ARGH!!!! Are you kidding me? I can't believe the bad timing, shame on you, Universe!! Grrr...

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    1. I kid you not. Let's see what emerges from my discussions. Will keep you posted!

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