Tuesday, 14 January 2014

On the eve of our genetic anomaly scan

Tomorrow is our long-awaited level II anatomy scan. For the past more-than-a-month I've done a good job of putting it out of mind, because really, there was nothing else to do, and I was damned if I was going to let this worry rob me of the hard won but ever increasing joy and trust we have in this pregnancy.

But for the last few days I have been irritable and sleeping poorly and easy to well up with tears. I chalked it up to ongoing pregnancy weirdness and unprocessed grief (which are doubtless also to blame), but then I remembered...

I keep coming to this space, thinking of things I want to say, to share. I have half-written several posts, but they always languish in my drafts folder. I feel mute in a way, shifting between this wild hopefulness and swinging back around to fear. Fear, irrational as it may seem, that there is something much worse than markers for Downs syndrome. And then, excitement and anticipation that we will find out the sex of our little seedling, who wriggles and somersaults wildly now on a daily basis, as if offering reassurance.

Anxious, fearful, hopeful, excited, confused.

Send some vibes our way tomorrow, won't you friends?

26 comments:

  1. Sending vibes your way. I think it makes perfect sense that you are experiencing a mix of emotions! Thinking of you tomorrow!

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  2. I think you are having a boy, and I think he will be the apple of your eye! I'm hopeful that you will get some reassurance, and will be sending you many good vibes for tomorrow, starting NOW. So much love xoxoxo

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  3. Sending lots of positive vibes your way! Will be thinking of you tomorrow. *hugs*

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  4. Holding you in my thoughts and prayers, friend. :)

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  5. I will definitely be thinking of you and sending you lots of good vibes. I can't wait to know the sex!! I am having a girl :)

    I hope you have a great day tomorrow! xo

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  6. Sending lots of love and good vibes your way! It is a nerve-wracking emotional rollercoaster for sure. During the first half of my pregnancy I felt like I was going to faint every time they whipped out the dopplar or the u/s machine. Hopefully the longer you stay pregnant the more often peace, hope, and excitement will win out over fear. Good luck! x

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  7. I've been thinking of you tons ever since your post about the possible ds. Please know you're in my thoughts, friend.

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  8. Been thinking of you a lot. I hope you have a peaceful night tonight and see beautiful things that bring you some calm tomorrow.

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  9. I have been sending good thoughts your way! best of luck tomorrow!

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  10. Thinking of you, Sadie. Hoping tomorrow holds nothing but good news and joy.

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  11. Thinking of you and your baby, Sadie, and praying for good news tomorrow.

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  12. Hugs. I hope it goes well tomorrow; it's so hard to wait and wonder.

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  13. Sending all sorts of good thoughts your way. Hoping you get nothing but good news tomorrow.

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  14. So many good thoughts. So many good vibes. So much love to that little one and to you.

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  15. Sounds like you have come to terms with whatever the results are, but I wanted to tell you FYI with my dd my bloodwork came back with 1:6 odds of T21. Amnio showed she was fine. Those tests have a lot of false positives.

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  16. Vibes sent. I will keep you in my thoughts!

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  17. Thinking of you and sending lots of good vibes your way!

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  18. Thinking of you! Hope everything goes well!

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  19. I hope you get many glimpses of a healthy, happy Seedling today!

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  20. I hope you got nothing but good news yesterday. Have been thinking of you lots. Sending hugs.

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  21. sending you and seedling so much love today xxx

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  22. Sadie - thinking of you and waiting with bated breath...

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  23. No words of wisdom, just sending vibes of goodness.

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  24. You guys are all the sweetest, most thoughtful bloggy friends I and the seedling could wish for. I really felt the love. Thank you!

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