Getting prepared, part II: calling all NICU veterans

As a brief postscript to my last post: we went in this week for one of the many non-stress tests that will lead up to little seedling's arrival, and let's just say, she didn't perform up to standardized expectations...Her heartbeat stayed a steady course and was nice and strong, but she just refused to jump on command. H and I weren't really worried though; our parental intuition has become strong, she had been doing her routine kung fu moves on my bowels only an hour earlier. In those moments at the clinic, as bad luck would have it, she was just more in the mood for a snooze than a triple somersault (which of course she was prepared to do as soon as the monitors were removed).

A moment of maternal pride: my kid is already set to challenge the legitimacy of normative, numerically-based testing, achieving in utero what it's taken me four degrees and an entire career to do. Then again, (having proven herself very blissed out early on), maybe she was still just chill from all the jazz music and brown cafes and one too many Belgian beer of last week...?

Either way, a girl after my own heart.

One chilled out baby. Unlike her mother. Source.

 

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But that's not really why I'm here. Today, I want to ask your thoughts on a topic which looms large in my mind these days.

I think when I said that there was much to prepare before little seedling makes her appearance, a lot of people heard stuff to prepare. Trying as we are to be proponents of a certain level of simplicity parenting, we're working not to get too hung up on stuff just yet, especially as her hospital stay will postpone a lot of those immediate needs, and since each baby is unique in there needs and habits, it seems to make sense to wait and see what's actually useful. We have the basics: enough clothes to start her off, a place for her to sleep, and this carrier which is recommended for babies with low muscle tone, as well as a ring sling. All the rest will come, and we're not fussed about that.

Our preparations, however, aren't really about that anyway. Basically, there is a huge part of me that has been terrified preoccupied with the prospect of a NICU stay since the moment the possibility was raised.

I've slowly learned to adjust; there aren't (as many) moments these days of late night sobbing on H's chest, overcome by fear and heartbreak at the thought of my little girl in such a scary, clinical environment, hurting or feeling alone. I'm trying to embrace what lays ahead as a necessary and helpful stepping stone to getting our daughter healthy and home in our arms, where she belongs.

And I'm grateful that we got all these diagnoses prenatally and were given time to prepare mentally. I don't know how I'd cope having all this sprung on me at birth. It helped a lot that we've been able to tour the ward where she'll be staying and get a sense of the facilities there. We've met with the ward staff and the neonatologist and the pedeatric surgeon, all of whom seem caring and good at what they do.

I think I do continue to worry about how the crucial bonding of those early hours and days will work. I've had all the benefits of skin-to-skin parenting so thoroughly drummed into me that I can't imagine how she'll feel our presence or know how much love and strength we want to convey to her if all we're able to do is hover over a hospital bed. Or maybe I'm worrying needlessly...I know the hospital is keen on supporting these opportunities for intimacy where medically possible, and there is a lot of support and education for breastfeeding as well.

But still, I can't quite picture it, how we'll spend our time, how we'll bond with her, what that atmosphere will be like.

So that's what this is mostly about. Being as mentally and emotionally prepared as we possibly can. I guess there are practicalities in there too, like what to pack and what to arrange beforehand.

And really, here is where I could use some help.

Bloggy friends, I know that many of you have walked this arduous road before me, and I could use your nuggets of NICU wisdom right now. Were there things you wish you'd known or done to ease the experience? Little rituals you found particularly comforting? Essential items that made your stay more homey, or at least less stressful? And what exactly is it like in there? How much time did you spend bedside? All your reflections and insights are so appreciated.