Monday, 15 September 2014

#Microblog Mondays: Family of four

'How are the three of you doing?' 

'The three of you'; they say it so innocuously.

Or, 'Is this your first?'. An innocent query from a passerby. I stumble, pause for a second too long. Guilt. Sadness. Pride. Uncertainty. Love. So much love. How do you reply?

I have become resigned - after so long spent loudly and furiously grieving - to the fact that people can't won't don't acknowledge or remember our first born. Though to H and I, this is a family of four.

He is there in his sister’s sparkling eyes; in her secret dreaming smiles.

He is there in his parents’ impossible-to-realize determination to let no moment go unnoticed, unappreciated, uncelebrated. We want to stop and savour; to capture everything.

For babies grow so fast, you know. Except when they don’t. He never will.

And yet he is here. We are a family of four, but one of us - a son, a brother - will always be missing.

Written as part of Mel's Microblog Mondays. Check it out here to participate.


  1. I often stumble over the 'is she your first?' Question....I used to always tell the truth. Sometimes now I just reply 'yes' and silently add 'my first baby who could stay'.

  2. It's so amazing how many triggers are added once there's a rainbow at home. I'm trying to figure out right now how to respond if/when people comment after Lucy's born "How nice that you have one of each." My answer right now is, "We actually have 3 of each.", but I think I need to keep thinking on that one. Hugs to all 4 of you.

  3. Sadie this made me cry. Beautiful post.

  4. So beautifully said. They are always missing, and always, always beloved.


  5. I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I don't. So I'm just sending love to the four of you.

  6. So gorgeously (but sadly) put: "For babies grow so fast, you know. Except when they don’t. He never will."

  7. I fear in my total joy for T's health & beauty I as well had seconds where I forgot to honor him. I'm sorry for that, my friend. Holding your family of 4 particularly close in my heart today

  8. hugs. you are a beautiful family of four.

  9. Except when they don't. You're so right.
    Have I mentioned that I love your new background picture?


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