Monday, 2 September 2013

No, thanks, I think I'll wait for mine

From the lab tech taking my blood this morning at the clinic --

Her: Do you have any children?

Me: Nope. That's kinda why we're here.

Her (very brightly): It'll happen for you eventually! Or if not, I've always got a good-for-nothing eight year old at home you can take off my hands!

Me (disbelievingly, weakly): Ha...ha?

I mean...Who thinks this is a remotely ok thing to say to someone undergoing fertility treatments?

(In fairness to my clinic, we are normally very impressed with their high level of sensitivity and training when it comes to the medical realities we are dealing with, so I can only assume this woman was a temp or something; I've never seen her before today).

Here's my rule of thumb: Anyone who finds themselves in this shitty Club of IF has the right to make light of their (our) situation with as much irreverence, shock value and cursing as they see fit. Anyone who has no clue what this is like, kindly keep your humour -- and your children -- to yourselves.

Too harsh?

Take foot. Insert in mouth. Source


In other bloodwork news, they have re-tested me for a clotting disorder. When my OB/GYN first tested for this in March the results came back borderline, and he said that he was satisfied this was not likely an issue for us beyond the possible need for baby aspirin should we manage a pregnancy in future. But in all the data collection run-up to our IVF, when they tested again recently in the fertility clinic, they said the results were 'inconclusive'. We'll be able to discuss these latest results (from today's test) at our appointment on the 25th. Is it wrong of me to say I almost wish they'd find something? At least that way we'd have some answers, and a fairly straightforward means of managing any pregnancy so that it doesn't end in such a dire/devastating/baby-less way in future.

We should be so lucky.


  1. People never fail to amaze me...

    I hope you get some answers from your blood work. I will be sending you lots of good vibes :)

  2. That sounds particularly thoughtless coming from someone working with a fertility clinic. I'm glad that was an exception to the rule there.

    Fingers crossed that the blood work comes back with some answers.

  3. I agree with you about the tech and humor... I cope with my dark humor through this, but someone saying something like that is so out of line and not funny. I've had many family members use that same line, and I always wanted to go off on them. Sorry you had to deal with that idiot. I'm sure it's just ignorance, but it still hurts.

    Sorry the blood work was inconclusive. Do you know which one they were testing for? I hope they can get better answers soon.

  4. Not cool. I still can't believe it when people who do this for a living say stupid shit like that.

    I know what you mean about wanting to find something wrong. Something fixable. That's all I wanted after our first failed IVF. I hope you get some conclusive results and can just pop a baby aspirin every day to take care of it.

  5. Wow, "a good-for-nothing eight-year-old you can take off my hands"? Seriously?? That woman needs to be slapped. It reminds me of the nurse who cheerily asked me as I was waking up from the general anesthesia after my septum removal surgery, "So, do you have babies at home?" Umm, if I did, do you think I would be here having my uterus carved out, bitch?? You would think those nurses would have to go through some kind of infertility etiquette training--which, come to think of it, would be a pretty short training session. Rule number one: Do not ask a woman receiving infertility treatment if she has children; Rule number two: Please refer back to rule number one. The end.

    But in spite of the insensitive jerk who drew your blood, I hope you get some helpful answers from this round of lab work!

  6. Oh, this reminds me of the time my husband and I went to our new clinic. I was finishing up my stuff with the doctor, and when we left, my husband mentioned to me that he was pretty pissed at the receptionist who, perhaps either stupid or unaware that he was right there in the waiting room, was laughing to her friend who came in from another department about how fast she got pregnant without trying real hard.

    I'd read reviews of the clinic and people had mentioned disliking the receptionist, but WOW. I have to hand it to her and for your lab tech...some sensitivity training might be in order. "Do you have any children" -- how on EARTH is even THAT acceptable in a clinic where you're going for FERTILITY ISSUES. That's just a terrible, terrible idea of small-talk. And then the eight-year-old!

    People have no. idea.

  7. Not too harsh - totally reasonable reaction to a totally unreasonable comment. I wonder if she mentally kicked herself after saying those words. Most likely, I bet. I think that's an unspoken rule in all uncomfortable situations: if you are dealing with it too, then joke away. Otherwise, don't offer your eight year old children to someone you’ve just met!

    Good luck with the blood tests. I hope they get you some clear results.

  8. It's not strange at all to me wanting to find something, that you then know you can fix or avoid in the future with treatments/meds.

    I have heard that comment a few times over the years.. and it's so freaking annoying. Coming from someone working at a fertility clinic, well that is just unacceptable in my opinion. Think before you speak people!!

  9. People. Are. Dumb.
    I always hope for the best from humanity, but am never surprised by the stupid crap people say. When people learn that I work in foster care, they like to "jokingly" ask if they can put their own kids in foster care. If they are trying to be funny, they failed at humor. If they are serious, they fail at life.
    Fingers crossed for your blood work!

  10. Definetly not too harsh and I would go as far as advising your clinic that she said that so that other pts don't have to undergo the same questioning. Maybe they can teach her to kindly keep her mouth shut. Thinking of you!!

  11. That's insensitive and unprofessional! I would say something!

  12. What an obnoxious thing to say! Before I read the caption, I thought that picture was meant to be a photo of "other people's children." Made me laugh.
    I hope things turn out well with your bloodwork. I had a couple of different tests come back "inconclusive" or "borderline" before, but were normal when repeating them. That didn't completely calm my nerves about it, so I decided to take the baby aspirin just in case.

  13. Huh?!?!?
    Just to chime in with everyone else - what the hell was she thinking? Or rather, not thinking...
    A friend of ours came around the other day. She was changing the nappy of her baby boy and was complaining about what a mess he was in. Then she said this, to me, who lost my first baby (girl) in January of this year "It must be a *nightmare* to have a girl, they must get so messy".
    I couldn't even talk to her after that.


  14. I hope you're keeping a "scrapbook" (wrong word?) for these gems. Some people have absolutely zero social awareness. You'd kind of think there'd be some sensitivity training for folks working in an infertility clinic. Too much to ask?

    Anyway, I totally feel you on the wanting a diagnosis part - inconclusive and borderline are abstract and messy and unsatisfying. I remember how long it took for them to figure out I had Crohn's disease. There were some scary potential diagnoses along the way - including an off handed remark about pancreatic cancer (umm, what?) - and I remember what a relief it was to find out that I had something, ANYTHING, as long as it meant I could put an end to the speculation. Hoping for clarity for you so soon!

  15. Oh, man, people are such idiots - but I would think that someone who works in a fertility clinic would know better. But I actually have a theory that in general people do know better, but sometimes say dumb things in the moment and then realize afterwards that what they said was dumb, but it's too late. Or maybe i give people too much credit?

    I know exactly what you mean with the testing. You want to know, because knowing means that there's something to fix. I went through a ton of autoimmune tests and clotting tests. I had some borderline stuff, and then some more definite stuff. They decided to treat me as if it was all true, in the hopes of no more losses. So I'll be on baby aspirin and then on Lovenox as well. Maybe ask them about the Lovenox. I don't think that it can hurt to be on it, and if it helps... Sending you good thoughts, my friend!

  16. I can't believe she said that to you. The nurse at my OB's office made a remark to me when I was pregnant that at least I know what's wrong with my baby. I guess her son was born with a club foot and she didn't find out until he was born and apparently this story was supposed to make me feel better. She was obviously too stupid to understand that knowing your baby is going to die isn't the same as knowing your baby may have a club foot. I'm in school now and they teach us all the time about being professional and sensitive to patients, so I don't know where these medical "professionals" learned it's okay to make inappropriate jokes.

    Praying that you get some answers soon! Big Hugs!

  17. I have no words for that. I mean... did she really think that was appropriate to say? How could she? I'm seriously shaking my head right now.


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