Thursday, 28 March 2013

Bump envy

It's something I suppose we've all experienced here, but this* is taking it a tad far, surely?

Granted, Heidi Agan's envy seems to be prompted by something other than the emotionally-charged, hormone-crazed, random-crying, baby-craving, cervical-position-seeking, innocent-pregnant-bystander-hating that feeds my own desires.

(And it's not that I'm saying, er... frocks aren't a perfectly good reason for envy. More just that Kate Windsor's frocks are not really my thing; however much I may envy her current status  - pregnant, not princess - she wouldn't be my first sartorial inspiration.)

Anyway, I'm feeling comparatively well-adjusted now. Thank you, Heidi.


 




































* I swear, I only read the Daily Mail when obsessively searching for baby seal rescue stories like this. That last one will have you in tears.



12 comments:

  1. I know. I saw this story the other day and wasn't quite sure what to think about it all. I'm just going to leave it in my head that Heidi's an actress trying to earn her living and leave it at that. It makes me feel better to leave it at that.

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  2. I lived with bump envy for so long. I would cry, or almost cry, when I saw a random e pregnant woman on the street. When I passed the crying stage, I could barely stop myself from staring and feeling a big void. It sucks. I always tried to tell myself that the woman may have had a loss or infertility, but it never helped much. Hope you have your own bump really soon.

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    1. I'm glad you guys are saying this - I'm suffering from this so strongly at the moment. It really hurts.
      I'm going to try that too Dana xxx

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    2. It never worked much for me either Dana, although of course it may very well be true...I so hope that I get my own bump soon too!

      And Nomi, I just want to say (see my comment below), that I really really think this is such a normal part of the grief journey and that it's ok to feel it; the anger and sadness has to come out somehow. Be patient with yourself my friend, you're still so early in your loss, and it was a good year before I could even think about releasing those feelings. Sending hugs to you.

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  3. Ha, well put. "emotionally-charged, hormone-crazed, random-crying, baby-craving, cervical-position-seeking, innocent-pregnant-bystander-hating" - who me? I'm sure there's no one like that around these parts...

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  4. Bah, what a crazy and attention-seeking thing to do! *shaking my head in silence*

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  5. Oh wow this is just crazy.
    Though yesterday I was quite down because I keep hearing pregnancy announcements (3 in the last week) and those are the hardest to swallow. Specially when people call it a bumpy road after roughly 8 months of trying. It makes me want to yell and let them know that while I understand all too well that every month that passes is a disappointment, achieving a pregnancy within 1 year is average and normal, not weird at all, but I refrain because I am not on a mission to educate anyone. I blame the media for convincing us that getting pregnant was easy (I naively thought, at the start of this, that it could happen within 4 months because I know the Science, my body and my regular cycle).

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  6. Weird. Though she does really look like her.

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  7. wow! crazy! I love your blog! ;) excited to follow along!

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  8. hey we all have to increase our skills to remain relevant in our jobs... her job is looking like a person who's pregnant. I get it but, it's still a bit weird. BTW I would never have seen this craziness on my own so thanks for the lighthearted post.

    I want to weigh-in on the bump envy thing as I recently heard something that has helped me... For years now (and especially after my loss) I have "hated" any random pregnant woman I see. And walking the streets in New York City that's a lot of bellies to be envious of. It never made me feel any better to hate them but I was just so sad and jealous that it wasn't me who was pregnant that I couldn't help it. Recently someone asked me if I wanted what happened to me (my loss) to happen to them. My answer: well of course not, losing a pregnancy is terrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Then she said, "Instead of looking at them with envy and hate, try sending them good wishes that everything goes well in their pregnancy and that they don't suffer like you have." This was groundbreaking for me. I had honestly never thought of looking at things that way. And while I'm not perfect and still wish it was me who was pregnant, I do send them good wishes that all goes well and feel better about myself for doing so.

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    1. I feel like I should probably clarify: I don't really *hate* pregnant people. As you said, it's a lighthearted post, and I used that phrase in the context of my own often hyperbolic inner monologue - tongue-in-cheek and over-the-top. But I do think the envy part is not only common amongst us all, but perfectly normal. And therefore, we shouldn't judge ourselves or feel badly about ourselves for having those feelings; this journey is alreayd fraught with so many challenges to our selfworth as it is.

      Also, I'm glad that your friend's comment was a helpful one for you. But I have to say (in the interest of being honest and provoking healthy discussion), that is the sort of comment that would have made me livid, personally; precisely because it would feel to me as if my emotions - perfectly normal ones, under the circumstances - were being evaluated as 'right' or 'wrong', when in fact...they just are. Grief is tough and confusing even for those who experience it, so I understand that those around us often can't get the process of working through it. Also, of course we all hope for good things for those healthily pregnant women around us, but there is a big difference between wanting other people to suffer, and wanting them to *understand*. I think in 99% of cases, it's the latter that motivates any ill feelings, and it's simply because IF and loss can be such isolating experiences.

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, it really helps to think about how others address these issues.

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  9. People sure are different, aren't they? ;)

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