Friday, 11 October 2013

Spotting

I started spotting this morning. Fuck.

Actually, it was just the once, and it was very light and pink when I wiped. I know it could be nothing. I need it to be nothing.

But it's so very hard to keep my mind from going back, to the last time when the end began just like this, and at exactly the same age of gestation. Or forward, to what I deeply fear (what I have feared since the moment of first seeing that second line) could be the inevitable end to this pregnancy as well.

I'm struggling so hard every day to stay positive during this time, often feeling guilt when I can't. I've put all my energy into that end, and this sucks and it's so unfair. Can't a mother who has lost three babies just have a straightforward, unscary pregnancy when the chance finally comes again?

I have to go to work now and we're supposed to be going away tonight to visit friends.

I'm really scared.

If you have any encouraging stories of this happening and it being nothing, I'd love to hear. Even if you're just reiterating the very obvious advice that I could find myself online....I need your encouragement more than ever. If you can spare more thoughts and vibes to send to this little life, I'd love those too. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do right now. 


25 comments:

  1. *hugs*

    Sending you so much love right now.

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  2. Spotting could be due to irritation of the cervix from progesterone if you are on Crinone or the like. Try to continue to stay poisitive- we are all thinking positive thoughts for you as well!

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  3. You know and I know that around a third of women spot during totally normal and healthy pregnancies! Could just be vaginal irritation from the drugs (I had that two weeks ago and saw blood once) or it could be some nice healthy embyro digging in a little deeper into its cushy home!!! Think positive!!

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  4. You're both in my thoughts <3 Sending you a lot of love!

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  5. I had spotting at 5 weeks. That was 10 weeks ago, and this little one is still going strong. Try not to panic, and keep yourself busy today. I'll be thinking of you and sending "totally normal" vibes your way!

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  6. I had spotting several times in my first pregnancy. He's now three.
    Sending you good thoughts. Stay strong.

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  7. Sending nothing but love and positive thoughts your way!

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  8. Sadie, I've just gotten caught up on your last four posts and this is not what I wanted to read :(

    Are you on suppositories that could be causing irritation? Can you get in today for an u/s so you don't have to wait until Monday? Sending love and hugs and hope and everything else I can that this is just a small hiccup that proves that this baby is already trying to run your life and have all the attention on him/her.

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  9. I had a small amount of spotting twice during this pregnancy (and so far, all is well). It caused complete terror in me though, so I understand. I did call and practically beg for an ultrasound those times though. I'm not sure if it's an option, but I'd ask for an ultrasound if I was in your shoes. It's the only thing that reassured me.
    The other thing is... I did a LOT of Googling in the early weeks of this pregnancy. More often than not, spotting (and even bleeding) did not seem to result in a miscarriage. There are many reasons for it.
    I'm sending lots and lots of positive thoughts, vibes, and love to you and that little embryo. Stay strong and grow, little one!!!

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  10. I am going to be sending you good thoughts all day, I PROMISE! One thing I have learned from being part of this infertility blogging world is that spotting is very common throughout pregnancy. That's why my Mother-in-Law AND my cousin didn't know they were pregnant until they were 3 months because as they say it "I was still getting my period!"

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  11. Thinking of you and praying for your baby, Sadie. Keep believing and don't give up. Remember you have been having really strong morning sickness and that is a great sign.

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  12. Sending prayers, love and light.

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  13. I'm believing that it's nothing and praying for you. Sucks how repeated loss steals your joy. Ugh.

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  14. I had not just spotting, but full on red bleeding, with both my sons. However with my 2 m/c, I had NO bleeding before I lost them. It's so scary but it's really common in IVF pregnancies. Hugs.

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  15. Oh Sadie, I am so sorry. But I am praying hard for you and little life, and yes, it is nothing, it could most probably be nothing,Hoping and sending you lots of love.

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  16. Thinking of you. I think you know 4th my story, V was my 4th pregnancy and it was not complication free... I bled a lot. Hang in there (*hugs*) I know how scary this is. Hoping so much that it's nothing!

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  17. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and have had lots of spotting and bleeding due to a subchorionic hematoma. If you have one of these, most of the time it will show up on the ultrasound. 20% of women experience this and most go on to have healthy normal pregnancies. There is alot of vascularizing going on in the uterus in the first trimester when the placenta is trying to grow into it, so that is why spotting is so common. It is scary and nerve wracking, but most of the time it ends up just fine. Hang in there!

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  18. Oh my friend. I had it at 8 weeks and knew I was doomed. I sobbed into the phone when I called the nurse. I drugged myself on benadryl to get me through the night. I was heartbroken. But, all was fine. And, listen, it is sooo common. It is so so so common. However. I really really wish it wasn't happening to you, because I know what you are going through right now. And that fear is paralyzing.

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  19. I can completely relate to your fears. The bleeding is completely common and normal. I'm sorry it's happening and scaring you, but I am sure it's absolutely nothing to worry about.

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  20. I'm holding out hope for you that this is just your average run of the mill spotting that so many women have and continue to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I'll be thinking of you.

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  21. After four loses, during my pregnancy with my son I had two days of pink ( then red) bleeding which turned out to be implantation bleeding at exactly six weeks. Sending you good thoughts

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  22. I spotted a little/ a lot with my last pregnancy. Was told not to worry but who the f... can do that? It turned out fine. He is here and 3 and perfect and trying to ram his head into as many surfaces as possible.

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  23. Oh no oh no oh no. That makes my stomach cramp up with fear.

    My two "it happened to me and it was nothing" stories, may or may not be helpful here because mine both happened in the second trimester. BUT, here goes.

    First, I had bleeding at 14 weeks or so after having sex. It lasted about 4-5 hours and it was like a light period. Then, as you may know, I had major, gushing blood at 19 weeks and thought I was losing the baby. BOTH turned out to be nothing at all. So, blood is not always a bad thing. It's just absolutely terrifying.

    Ohhhh I am thinking of you and hoping for the best!

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  24. It does, it happens all the time. It's normal and not necessarily the sign of something wrong.

    I am sending you so many good thoughts. Be strong. And just as many good thoughts of strength to that little one. Hang in there, little one! Grow, grow, grow, stay alive!

    I'm truly believing that all will be okay. It must be.

    XOXOXO

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  25. Just...thank you. All of you, you are goddesses! I'm holding onto all that love and each of those (many!) stories of spotting-that-turned-out-to-mean-nothing. As terrifying as this has been I'm so fortunate to have you all 'around' me. I feel very looked after. Now on to tomorrow...

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