On the one hand, I'm relieved. Obviously.
At the same time...What the what?! Somehow I've just been tricked by circumstances conspiring against me and my uterus into accepting the status quo. Being totally inert. Changing nothing. Seriously,you guys. The not-totally-out-but-not-really-doing-anything-not-hopeful-not-hopeless-let's-wait-and-see place? (I know you know this). It's excruciating, and I suck at inhabiting it. I. Want. Movement. Or at least the illusion thereof?
Also, since progesterone levels are out of the way as a source of worry, that frees up my brain to ferret out myriad new scenarios to serve as future impediments to our baby making. I
H, for his part,
I'm managing to make light of it, but I'm annoyed and frustrated and constantly second guessing myself. How do we move forward with this? (This...nothing). Should we be looking further afield? (Particularly as we're staking our life plans for the immediate future on this). Do we really entrust this clinic to take us forward? I can't shake the feeling that we need to be proactive because we are losing time here. Surely we need to do everything we can NOW to increase our likelihood of this ever working?
That's kinda the conversation going on in my head - and much to H's delight, at the dinner table - this week. I haven't yet decided if any of these questions are rhetorical.
Thank the gods for big deadlines that will keep me otherwise occupied all weekend. Yeah, sure...of course they will.
|I know I should love my own particular progesterone, but right now I have mixed feelings. Also, how eewww is this T-shirt? Source.|